there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
