Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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