I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
