Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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