I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
