Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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