So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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