we're making bets on your personal life
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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