I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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