When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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