so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
