I accidentally burped into my bong.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize