just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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