Fine. I'll sleep in my office
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
