the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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