Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
