she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I supernannyed him into submission
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
