True but thats because hes a fetus.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
