i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize