I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
