I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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