There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
