talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
