wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
