If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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