You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
