I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
