Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
