Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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