Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
