Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
