let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
