I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
