i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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