i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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