i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
