I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize