i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
