i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I supernannyed him into submission
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
