if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
