Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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