Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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