How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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