I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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