Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
