Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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