Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
