Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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