I think I won the penis lottery.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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