I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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