And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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