I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize