Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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