We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
So many bounce houses so little time
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
