she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
