Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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