Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize