drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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