She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
