I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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