i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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