Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
