She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
No subtext here. People are naked.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize