She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
