The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
