I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
