it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
