Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
