We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
