I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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