Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize