and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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