yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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