At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize